


Regret

by yuuki_clyde



Series: Meant to be protected [1]
Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Angst, Gen, but it's still angst, maybe some inspiring quotes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-18 21:52:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16127474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuki_clyde/pseuds/yuuki_clyde
Summary: “I will be of service to you.Yes… that’s an oath I already made.And I will never break that oath…Ever.”





	Regret

**Author's Note:**

> A Gawain/Reader angst~ I apologize for any OOCs. Feed backs are greatly appreciated.

The sun was at its peak.

The heat coming off of it is draining your stamina.

You’re extremely tired and dehydrated.

Despite all that…

You’re only focused on the Servant in front of you.

 

Somehow, for some reasons, the Servant that’s facing in front of you happened to be someone you knew so much… cared for so much and…

_Loved so much._

You never thought things would go down like this. It was supposed to be just like any other side-mission you and your Servants – especially him – to take it easy and had fun.

You had brought two Archers, two Sabers and one Caster and a Berserker for today’s side-mission. As usual, the two Archers bicker endlessly. Your Sabers are having a pleasant conversations and Caster looked increasingly worried he has to stick with a Berserker of all classes.

You walked towards to a specific Saber, your beloved. He took notice of you and smiled as you approached. “Is there something you need, Master?” You shook your head. “Nope. I was just walking by and see how you’re doing?” You were wearing the anniversary blonde mystic code, so you bought some scrolls that Da-Vinci invented for emergency healing for Servants and for yourself. Your Servants are not weak by any means, however you cared for your Servants.

“Oi, Mongrel!” Gilgamesh stormed towards you, obviously bothered you brought the red Archer. “Pray tell, why did you bring the Faker?” You sighed. This was nothing new, however, you knew Gilgamesh was always like this whenever you brought the blue Lancer or the red Archer with you. “First of, my King, is that this ‘Faker’ you spoke of, pairs well with you. Whether you like it or not, Archer has a good fighting chemistry with you.” His eyebrow twitched.

“Now, now, King of Heroes.” Gawain stood up, putting an arm around your waist to protect you. “Surely, you wouldn’t want to jeopardize this mission?”

“Tch.” With that Gilgamesh walked off somewhere. You sighed. “Gilgamesh may be the strongest Archer there is but he has to accept it somehow he has to get along with the others other than Enkidu.” Gawain dropped a hand on your head and petted it, nodding. “Master,” the red Archer called out to you. “I’ll be going ahead to do some recon.” You gave him an ok sign and he disappeared. You watched your Caster and Berserker.

Cú Alter and Waver aren’t interacting. In fact, the poor Caster looks like he wanted nothing more but to get away. You couldn’t blame him. Strong as Cú Alter is, his tall and muscular build makes the boy a small bug, especially with his spear.

It was early morning in the Singularity you were summoned. Trees surrounds you and the green grass carpeted the forest, so the air was crisp and fresh as it is, making it almost a perfect place to make some camping. You were grateful for the bright sun. For specific reasons, it makes Gawain stronger thus, making him much warmer to cuddle. When Archer had returned and reported that the path was safe, you all proceeded to move onwards.

The walk has been quiet so far, peaceful even if you were to ignore Gilgamesh’s constant protest even though he’s hovering in the air rather than walking. You were in the middle of your Servants, Berserker in front of you, Arthur, Gawain and Waver beside you and the two Archers behind you. You were chatting idly with Waver hoping to get his nerves calmed down and make him feel welcome when the Archers yelled, “Enemies!”

 

With your most powerful Servants, the enemy waves wasn’t a problem however, this was when everything went wrong.

Lev stood with the corrupted Grail in his hands. Your Servants immediately prepared themselves to battle. Knowing who this man is from your tales, he’s not to be forgiven.

“Ah… Chaldea’s last Master…” Lev mused. “How long has it been since I had tried to have you killed?” You bite your lip, you still remembered what he did to Olga. You couldn’t forgive him, no, you’ll never forgive him. For endangering talented and promised masters, for endangering humanity, and its future.

Lev snapped his fingers and there are enemies appearing before him. Waver immediately casted a defense spell to all of your Servants, Cú Alter roared, your Archers immediately put out their weapons: Gilgamesh opening his Gate, Archer materializing his bow and arrow. Your Knights unsheathed their swords.

“Archers!” You gave out your command, your Servants followed. Relentlessly defeating the different waves of enemies, your Caster supporting them, Berserker totally annihilating the enemies, and your Archers showering weapons and arrows from the sky.

It wasn’t until you noticed Gawain acting a little… off. At first, he was fighting as usual, wishing for the sun for its protection, wielding his holy blade along with his King behind him. But then you would notice him hesitating, or his sword shaking for a little before attacking.

None of your Servants thinks that there’s something wrong with him, so you shook it off. You continued to support and giving out commands with your Servants. Then, you suddenly felt off. Your gut is telling you that there’s something wrong. You looked at Lev. He’s still smiling as he continued to summon enemy waves at your Servants.

_He has the corrupted Grail… but why isn’t he summoning Servants?_ You thought of it weird. After all of your journey in Singularities, Servants has been summoned by this Grail. Lev wouldn’t be as stupid as to just endlessly summon enemy waves against Servants. He has to do something, but then it hit you.

You realized it too late and the moment you did, Gawain had dropped his sword and crumbled to the ground, wailing in pain, holding his head. “Gawain!” Arthur shouted, hearing the distressed wails of his loyal knight. “Gawain…!” Your body immediately move towards him, but Gilgamesh held your wrist. “Are you an idiot?!” he shouted at you. “If you get in there, you’ll die, mongrel!”

You knew he’s right, but the thought of seeing Gawain suffer like that hurts your heart. You wanted to be there for him just like he had been for you. Gawain continued to stay in the ground while Cú Alter and Arthur continue to protect him while Gilgamesh continued to throw weapons from his Gate, Archer fighting with his two blades.

When Gawain had stopped, Arthur immediately went toward him, only for the former to grab his sword and swing at Arthur. The King of Knights parried last minute. “Gawain, what are you doing?!” he yelled. Gawain said nothing, but there was a black aura coming from him. He continued to fight Arthur, the poor King was confused but tried to parry each attack coming from him.

“Gawain, what are you doing?!” you shouted at him, hoping to get an answer from your beloved Servant. You couldn’t see his face. You felt like you didn’t know him. He felt distant and… a stranger to you.

“Master!” Waver called you. “Saber… I mean, Gawain… He’s been corrupted by the Grail.” You looked at the Caster beside you. You were sure that was the case but you’ve been denying it. The boy clutched a certain Rider’s mantle. “You’ve seen this before have you, Waver?” He didn’t speak anymore and you didn’t need an answer.

This time, Lev doesn’t summon anymore enemy waves. Instead, he just made the sun brighter and hotter. Sweat immediately slid through your forehead to your cheeks. Instead of going to your side, Gawain went to Lev. His grin growing wider and wider, and he finally lost it when Gawain stuck his sword at the ground, firmly, as if he’s not leaving Lev’s side.

Your heart broke. Your legs buckled and fell to the ground, your eyes never leaving Gawain. “No…”

Your Servants fell back towards you. Waver trying to get you up, supporting you stand. You looked at your Servants’ faces: Gilgamesh doesn’t look pleased in the slightest nor was he impressed, Cú Alter’s face unchanging, Arthur felt betrayed, Archer only gripping his bow harder.

Lev put his hands on Gawain’s shoulder and whispering something to him. You didn’t know what he could’ve possibly said to the knight, but Gawain looks angry and wanted to kill by gripping the hilt of his sword tighter.

Gawain took his sword and prepared himself to battle. Your Servants immediately felt the murderous intent and aura that they also prepared themselves to battle. When Gawain kicks off the ground, running towards you, Gilgamesh released his weapons from the Gate at the charging knight, Archer materialized more swords to shoot at Gawain, Cú Alter roaring before engaging the knight, Waver increasing their attacks and Arthur charging together with Cú Alter.

With Gawain’s strength lying under the sun, his attacks and defense would increase dramatically that even Gilgamesh by your side, is hard to defeat.

Gawain fought all of your Servants with absolute ease. A strength clearly shows that this is Gawain’s true strength. A potential that he possessed but you couldn’t bring it out of him. You balled your hands.

You still wondered if this was your fault for not doing anything when you noticed it at first or that you weren’t powerful enough to grab full control of your Servant. There, in front of you is Gawain… _your_ Gawain. Not a shadow Servant, not an enemy Servant but yours.

It didn’t take long for Gawain to nearly annihilate your Servants. You were doing your best to keep in control of the battle in front of you, to keep Gawain from being hurt, to have him come back to you.

Lev laughed at your fruitless attempts. “The more you struggle, the more you’ll get killed by your own Servant… How disappointing. You who value the life of a Servant when they are disposable…” Your eyes are tearing up.

_That’s not true…_

You remembered those days when more and more Servants have answered your call, aided you in restoring every Singularity big or small, bonding them, getting to know them. Servants are humans. Yes, most of them died, but they have feelings and the means of being human.

You treasured those memories. The times you’ve spent on every Servant, even the shenanigans are memorable to you. They’re irreplaceable, precious memories.

You may not be the strongest nor the smartest magi in Chaldea, but your Servants have accepted and grateful that even knowing how weak you are, they supported you.

You still remembered when they swore loyalty to you. How they wished to help you for as long as they can. How they wanted nothing but the best and the well-being of their Master.

You watched as Gawain relentlessly attacked your Servants. You clutch your other hand where your Command Spells sit. You could use it to bring Gawain back, but against the power of the Grail and Lev, the chances are low. Gawain is currently fighting Cú Alter and Arthur. He parries, attacks, and defends effortlessly before breaking through and is now charging towards you. Gilgamesh and Archer threw everything they have to slow him down, but alas it was not effective as he charged with absolute malice towards you, with only Waver to protect you.

The Caster shielded you using his body as Gawain slashed his sword down. You heard his spirit core break, as golden light surrounded the Caster, beckoning him to return to the Throne “Waver…!” you shouted. Gawain now towers over you, his sword high as he glared at you. “Gawain… please…” you pleaded at your beloved, hopefully he’d recognize your voice.

But…

 

 

_He didn’t._

Gawain struck his down his sword only grazing you as Cú Alter shoved him away from you. “If you stay here, Master. You’re going to die.” The Berserker didn’t look at you. You looked at his broad back. “Retreat, Master. Go with the Archers and retreat.” When those words escape from him, Cú Alter resumed in engaging Gawain. Arthur and Archer went to you, telling you the same thing: Retreat.

You didn’t want to. You don’t want to leave him. You refused to. You could barely hear your Servants. Arthur just carried you away from him… from Gawain… to keep you from being hurt by him.

 

You sat there, dazed. The memory of Gawain being controlled by Lev of all people doesn’t go away. Archer and Arthur just looked at each other, not knowing what to do with you. You didn’t want to eat, sleep, or even take a breather. Cú Alter’s injuries has been tended. Gilgamesh is nowhere to be seen, probably tired of how his Master acts without Gawain.

You could go back to Chaldea and re-group but you refused to leave this place without Gawain by your side. It was already night… or at least it should be. When Lev took Gawain, the sun never set. The sweat almost never stopped coming and Archer had to literally take care of you while your other Servants guard you.

“Master, you have to get things together.” Archer literally spoon-feeding you just to have you eat something for the past two days. “If you’re not getting better, who knows what Lev would do to Sir Gawain?” Just the thought of Lev doing something horribly wrong to Gawain just to fulfill his ‘destroying humanity’ thing is making your spine crawl. “What do you think I should do, Archer?” your voice croaked. The red Archer sighed. “I’d say eat this food I made and get yourself together, Master.”

You grabbed the makeshift plate and nibbled at the food. You heard shuffling towards you and see that Cú Alter is walking his way to you, throwing his fluffy mantle at you, shielding you from the heat even more before continuing to walk, probably to patrol the area with Arthur.

“Archer… do you think I’m weak?” The red Archer didn’t say anything. “Lev thought it was pathetic that I treat Servants as an irreplaceable ally, when we both know you’ll just disappear when everything’s over.

“I’m not even a strong magi… Some Servants probably hate me from how I am… After all, I was the only master left on Chaldea, so I had no choice but to go along with it. Before long, I made it my own decision since there’s no one else would do it…”

You grabbed the mantle Cú Alter had thrown on you and borrowed yourself in it. Tears are threatening to fall from your eyes when Archer kneeled in front of you, holding your gaze.

“You may be weak, Master, but there’s something about you that’s strong and no one else would have.” Archer poked at your chest, where your heart is. “You are you. What makes you different is yourself. There’s only one of you. Your heart is in the right place.” Archer stood up, turned around and crossed his arms. “You don’t need to be strong or to be smart to be considered as a talented magi. Each person has their own strengths and weaknesses. I’ve watched you grow as a person and as a magi.”

The wind blows. Even under the scorching hot sun, the wind is refreshing. “Even us Heroic Spirits started to be weak, we grow, we learn, we fall, we fight. We are who we are because of our past. Just because you’re weak doesn’t mean you’ll never grow strong. We see potential in you, Master, and we believe that if we guided you to the right path, you’ll be stronger and wiser.”

None of you spoke. You remembered when Archer had finally told you of his Noble Phantasm. You watched your Servants grow stronger and stronger as you complete their trials, giving you the absolute control of their potential. But seeing how Lev controlled Gawain is far too different from how you ordered him in battle.

Gawain under Lev is stronger, powerful, and seemingly unbeatable even with your Archers.

“You don’t have to worry about Lev. He uses the Grail to immediately strengthen a Servant. He’s using us as mere tools. A Master that way will never get a Servant’s true strength, he’s merely forcing them. Unlike you, you take your time for a Servant to grow, watch them as you did, cheering them and being close. A Master with a heart.

“In our years fighting for the Grail, most Masters forget about it. We became tools for human’s desire for an all-mighty wish granter and nothing else. It’s sad, really.” Archer let out a self-deprecating laugh.

Archer rarely talk about his life. He’s a mystery but you respect his decision and you never asked of it if he’s uncomfortable. You realized that Archer’s talk and how he differentiated you and Lev makes you think that maybe it is possible to bring Gawain back without killing him. You stood up and Archer turned to look at you, a grin spreading from his lips. “Archer… I’ve decided…

“Bring everyone around, we’ll fight Lev and bring Gawain back.”

You see Gilgamesh giving you a sly smirk as he saw you. “Looks like the Mongrel is back.” You gave him a determined nod. “I already decided what I should do.”

“Good! Now, do not disappoint me, mongrel.”

 

You returned where you last saw Lev and Gawain, and to your surprise, they’re still there, as if they’re waiting for you to come back. Gawain stood behind Lev, sword stuck to the ground. Lev’s grin is unnatural the moment he saw you return.

“So, the failure of a Master of Chaldea is back… how unfortunate.” Lev mocked. “You realize that under this sun, Gawain is undefeatable?”

“Undefeatable under the sun, yes. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try.”

Gawain’s eyes locked on you, still full of anger. The dark aura on him only grew. You gulped, trying not to be intimidated. “Lev, this is your last chance… give Gawain back.”

Lev only laughed. “Or what?”

“Or I’ll take him back from you by force!” Gilgamesh immediately bind Lev using his Chains and Gawain sprang into action, using his sword to release Lev, only to be blocked by one of Archer’s sword-arrow. “Arthur, Cú Alter, please… take care of Gawain for me. As much as possible, do not hurt him.” The Berserker nodded as he roared, and charged at Gawain. Arthur, although reluctant, followed soon after. “Gilgamesh, if you would…”

Without Lev, Gawain would be free and the corrupted Grail would be theirs. That was your plan. Lev doesn’t seemed to be bothered that he was about to die first. Gilgamesh threw the biggest sword he has in stored in the Gate and impaled it to Lev’s body. You expected him to transform into a Demon Pillar, but he didn’t. His body slowly turned black. He gave his final words of, “How the mighty has fallen. Let’s see if your Servant can handle the amount of pain he’s going to receive.” He laughed as he became a mist. His laughter echoing. Gawain only grew stronger, the dark aura around him enveloped him even more. You couldn’t call Gawain a Saber—no. He’s already similar to a Berserker.

Gawain attacked relentlessly, no longer caring if he gets hit, as long as he gets it done. You focused on Gawain. You can feel him hurting deep inside as he roars. You can feel his heart ache every time he swung his sword. You didn’t notice that Cú Alter is nearly dying, Arthur desperate to block his overwhelming attacks, shouting at his friend to wake up. Gilgamesh and Archer trying to distract him.

With a last strike, Cú Alter fell and returned to the throne, giving you one last look of apology before disappearing. Arthur, no longer able to keep up Gawain’s speed and strength fell and disappeared, returning to the Throne. With each Servant defeated, Gawain only grew stronger. “Mongrel, you should go back and leave this to me.” You looked at Gilgamesh. “But…!”

“This Servant… is no longer the one you knew.” Gilgamesh’s face is serious. Gawain prepared for his Noble Phantasm. With this situation, your Servants are done for and there’s no one left to face Gawain but you. “No…” you shook your head. “Let me talk to Gawain.” You looked at your Archers. “Don’t interrupt me.”

You walked towards Gawain. Scared, yes. But maybe you could bring him back. Maybe seeing you would at least stir something in him.

“Gawain,” you called out to him. He stiffened. “Can you hear me?” He doesn’t move, so you continued to move closer to him. Your Archers are watching, ready to hit him if something goes wrong. “Please… if you can hear me… say something.” At this point your heart is aching for him. You wanted to hear his voice again. “Do you remember me?”

He growled at you, hand clenching tighter at the hilt of his sword. You crave for his touch, and telling you that everything’s going to be okay. “Gawain… do you still remember when you first answered my summoning?”

 

_Gawain stood at the summoning circle, sword by his side as he announced, “Knight of the Round Table, Gawain.” He looked at you with gentle eyes and a bright smile, warm and similar to the sun. “I look forward to working with you.”_

 

Gawain stood ever so still when you approached him, you’re at his range at this point. Your lips quivered as you continue to recount your memories to him, anything to bring him back. “Do you still remember the times we spent together?”

 

_You had asked him one day, while waiting for Romani and Da Vinci for your next assignment, you and Gawain had been spending your time in your room, doing absolutely nothing but talk and cuddle. “Is there anything you value in your life?” You had asked him._

_Gawain thought of it. He smiled fondly as he did. “What do I value, you ask?”  He simply snuggled you close. His lips dangerously close to your ears as he spoke softly. “Even now… I still have no forgotten how I offered up my sword to the King of Knights as a pledge of my allegiance.”_

_“Ehhhh...” you commented._

_“But of course I hope to be of service to you. It’s an oath that I hope not to break anytime soon.”_

As usual, the Saber, now Berserker, in front of you remained silent and unmoving. Although he’s alarmed that for every step you take, he take a step back. “Gawain, please…” You extended your hands to him, offering him a hug. You still remembered the day you finally broke his limit and made him stronger than ever.

 

_Gawain was brimming with such strength. He looked at you fondly before kneeling down, bringing his sword at his side like he’s pledging to his King once more. “On my name as the Knight of the Sun, I shall deliver victory to you!”_

 

You remembered that day, he never failed to disappoint you. You loved him after all, and so did he. You never thought that this Gawain in front of you would attack you. He wouldn’t. You trusted him enough to put your life on his hands. But you didn’t hear the cries of alarm from your Archers as you move closer. You didn’t see it either, but you felt a numbing pain in your stomach.

Looking down, you can see Galatine stabbing through you, covered in blood, both the sword and your clothes. “G…Gawain…” you choked. You thought that mind dying by his hands but… the thought of him finally waking up to himself and seeing what he had done to you.

After all, he promised to protect you. You’re his Master and his lover. Your Archer immediately went into action, shooting weapons at Gawain, but it’s impossible when your body is directly in front of him, covering him. “Gawain…” you mumbled as you choked through your words. “Do you… still remember… when you… gave your oath…?” Your eyes slowly closed as he pulled out the sword from you. You immediately fell to the grass. _It feels nice… the grass…_

_The sun is warm… it reminds me so much of him…_

_…his smile…_

 

Soon after you closed your eyes, Gawain had snapped back to himself. Immediately, he felt the weapons firing at him and protected himself. His first thought was: are you safe and where were you? When he stepped a foot forward, he felt a bump and looking down, his heart shatters in many pieces.

He immediately dropped his sword and cradled your bloody body. Your clothes drenched in blood coming from your stomach. You were still warm. He gently slapped your cheeks, getting you awake. “Master…! Master!” He urged you. You slightly opened your eyes and smiled weakly. His heart broke. “Ga…wain…”

“Master…!”

“Do… you… remember…?”

He blinked. He doesn’t know what you were talking about. You only shook your head and tried to nuzzle close to him with your weakening state. “Wel…come… back…”

Your voice and your words…

It tore him.

When you finally closed your eyes and delivered your last breath, he lost it. He cried, he yelled, he cursed.

 

_Gawain swore an oath to his Master._

_“I will be of service to you. Yes… that’s an oath I already made. And I will never break that oath…_

_Ever.”_

_It was an oath to both to his Master and to his lover._

_But at what costs…?_


End file.
